Tips for Parents Wanting to Build Emotional Resilience in Children

Does this scenario sound a little familiar? Let’s say one minute, your child is smiling and all seems right with the world; the next thing you know, total chaos ensues and your child is far from smiling. 

On one hand, welcome to the wild ride of being a parent! On the other hand, it’s worth remembering that usually kids don’t know at first how to manage their feelings. It’s not something they know by instinct; it’s something they learn gradually, and as parents, we’re their first guides in learning how to do so.

The silver lining is you’re not in this wild ride of parenting alone, not at all! We’re writing this guide to help you figure out how to raise your children so they can foster what’s known as emotional resilience–and no, we’re not talking about turning them into small robots without feelings. Building emotional resilience in children is more about giving them the skills they need to navigate life’s ups and downs and recover from setbacks with ease. Let’s dive further into this idea of what emotional resilience really means, what it can look like in your child, and tips for parents wanting to help build it in their children.

First, What Defines Emotional Resilience?

Resilience is all about the ability to move forward through tough times and changes. A lot of people refer to resilience as “bouncing back” from their challenges. In children and youth, this resilience is shaped by a mix of their personal traits (including the skills they pick up over time), the nature of their families, and the characteristics of their physical and social surroundings.

Everyone needs skills and supportive folks around them to help soften the blow of any issues they might face. Just adding a few encouraging and optimistic things to their lives can really help many kids, youth, and teens thrive.

The Significance of Emotional Resilience

Emotional resilience acts like a superpower for your child’s mental well-being. It’s not about dodging or avoiding difficulties; rather, it’s about learning to handle them effectively.

Life isn’t completely full of sunny days and clear skies. There are also rainy and even stormy days. And that’s perfectly fine! In fact, these obstacles offer chances for personal growth. When kids learn to weather these ‘storms’, they can become more prepared for the extra stormy days that come later in life.

What Does Emotional Resilience Actually Look Like in Everyday Life?

Think of it like a different way to respond to a bad grade on a test without losing your cool; this is the moment when you realize it’s just one moment of life, and not a measure of your entire value. It can also be like having a disagreement with a friend and knowing that it’s possible to fix the friendship – and if not, to deal with the loss. It’s also about facing disappointment without letting it overshadow all the pleasant aspects of life.

In short, emotional resilience equips your children with the power to recover from setbacks. So, how do we encourage this in our children?

Step 1: Create a Safe Emotional Space

The first step is all about building an emotionally safe space for your kids. What we mean here is creating a space where your child’s feelings can exist, no matter how messy they may be. It’s about nurturing a home where it’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or disappointed. Why? Because emotions aren’t an enemy to fight; they’re a natural part of being human, and learning to understand and manage them is key to emotional resilience.

So what does creating this space look like in real life? Picture this: your child comes home feeling down because they didn’t get picked for the school play. Instead of saying, “Oh, there will be other plays,” you might say, “That sounds really disappointing. It’s okay to feel sad about this.” This small change validates your child’s feelings and communicates that it’s all right to express them to you.

Another strategy is to teach your child that making mistakes is perfectly fine. Yes, mistakes aren’t only allowed, they’re also celebrated! Why? Because they’re actually chances for personal learning and growth. When your child messes up, instead of dwelling on failure, steer the conversation towards what they can learn from the situation.

Keep in mind, an emotionally safe environment isn’t one that’s devoid of challenges, rather it’s one where challenges are viewed as opportunities for growth and feelings are respected. It’s a space where your child can build the emotional strength they need to recover from life’s inevitable ups and downs. 

So, are you ready to embrace the messiness and start creating emotional safety? Let’s take a closer look at what’s known as:

The 7 C’s of Resilience

1. Competence

Competence refers to the ability to handle everyday situations effectively. It develops over time through experience. Everyone has their own unique talents. As parents, we can recognize our children’s strengths, label them, and then support them by offering them chances to practice and enhance these abilities. 

Competence isn’t just about physical or mental skills, like sports, playing an instrument, or doing well in school. It can also be seen in being kind to others, communicating effectively, or being a helpful and cooperative team player. Even a child who helps out at home or cooks well demonstrates competence.

Here are some parental strategies to foster competence in a child:

• Observe your child every day and pinpoint their strengths. Acknowledge the strength when you notice it and repeat this when you see it again. Give your child chances to engage in the activity, practice this strength, and build on it to enhance their problem-solving skills and confidence.
• Identify your own priorities during conversations. Are you truly listening to your child without thinking about your next response? Do you concentrate on what your child excels at, or do you focus on what they haven’t achieved yet?
• Let them make their own choices and reach their own conclusions. Allow them to make mistakes. Failure can be a powerful teacher if it leads to eventual mastery through persistence and determination.

2. Confidence

Confidence often stems from one’s abilities and is essentially a strong belief in oneself. It’s not just about pep talks or telling kids they’re special, although those can help. Confidence develops when parents acknowledge their child’s strengths and motivate them to embrace new opportunities. It’s built through consistent practice and trying out new skills. 

A child will gain confidence when they feel safe and secure enough to explore new things. Teaching patience, persistence, and perseverance can be done positively and through repetition, which fosters emotional resilience and healthy risk-taking.

These are a few parental strategies to build confidence in a child:

• As mentioned, start by identifying your child’s strengths and labeling them. Work on these areas to help them gain the confidence to tackle new challenges. Parents can set an example by showing optimism and a positive outlook.
• Acknowledge failure for what it is: a chance to learn and grow. Use the word “yet” to emphasize potential. For instance, you might say, “Sarah, you haven’t built that Lego tower yet, but I believe if you keep at it, you’ll succeed.” Celebrate small victories to reinforce effort and determination.
• Notice when your child does something good and label their actions: generous, helpful, empathetic, etc.
• When you praise your child, make sure to specify what you appreciate. You could say, “You did a great job being helpful,” “Thanks for calming down,” and “Awesome job helping your sister!” This kind of praise boosts both emotional intelligence and confidence.

3. Connection

Psychologists believe that forming connections with others is one of the key elements for fostering resilience in kids. This means creating meaningful bonds with parents, siblings, friends, and other supportive adults. 

Kids who have strong relationships with family, friends, and classmates tend to feel more secure and grounded. This connection acts as a safety net and gives them a vital sense of belonging. Relationships with caring adults who aren’t their parents also play a significant role in helping kids build resilience.

Basically, we want kids to feel this way: “Someone on my team will help me and watch out for me.” With this in mind, below are a few strategies to build connection:

• Family rituals are a fantastic way to strengthen connections, like having family meals, game nights, celebrating holidays, or maintaining family traditions that enhance positive relationships and create a nurturing environment where kids feel safe and valued.
• Use teaching and model effective communication. Set aside specific times for screen-free interaction. Teach and model listening first, then responding. Everyone should have a chance to share their thoughts.
• Consider the bedtime ritual “3 Roses and a Thorn.” Reflect on the day by naming three good things that happened and one tough moment, helping kids process all kinds of emotions.
• Encourage connections with peers. This will help kids learn how to assess whether a peer is a healthy or unhealthy influence.
• Also encourage connections with other adults in the community. This could include neighbours, teachers, coaches, relatives, or other community members. Building this support network enhances kids’ emotional resilience and helps families feel more supported too.

4. Character

Kids who have a solid moral compass and a clear sense of right and wrong tend to make better choices and feel good about themselves. When they commit to integrity, it lays the groundwork for making smart and safe decisions. Plus, they’re usually more inclined to show kindness to others.

Ways to build character can include the following:

• Help your child see how their actions impact those around them. Show empathy as well and explain what it means to care for others.
• Let your child discover their own values when it’s suitable. Encourage them to think about right and wrong in various situations over time.
• Think about how to instill a sense of family importance and how family members can support each other.
• Reflect on how to nurture a sense of community.
• Consider how to foster a sense of spirituality as a guiding force and source of meaning.

5. Contribution

Contribution is all about the idea that the world gets better because of the people in it. When someone contributes personally, it can give them a sense of purpose, which is super motivating and fulfilling. Contributing can also boost a child’s skills and character. Kids who contribute often get external rewards like gratitude, praise, and respect from others. Plus, they might feel internal rewards such as self-worth, satisfaction, and a sense of purpose.

Try one or more of these ways to encourage contribution:

• Talk about how many people around the world have limited access to resources, safety, or opportunities, which helps kids develop empathy and a broader perspective. 
• Promote sharing ideas and thoughts: involve them in family decisions, school committees, or service groups, so they can practice problem-solving and teamwork. 
• Show generosity in your daily life so kids can see the importance of helping others. 
• Discuss ways we can make the world a better place. 
• Provide chances for contributions: community clean-ups, food drives, and recycling projects, which help kids feel capable, connected, and purposeful.

6. Coping

Dealing with stress is something we all face throughout our lives. By learning positive coping methods, we can build resilience and avoid engaging in harmful or anxious behaviours.

People who have a range of healthy coping techniques and skills for managing their emotions are less likely to resort to unhealthy quick fixes when they feel stressed. Healthy coping methods can be taught and demonstrated, such as patience, persistence, optimism, humor, faith, music, dance, art, and exercise.

These parenting tips can help with building coping skills:

• Recognize your own stress and reflect on how you behave in those situations. Are you showing positive coping behaviours? If you’re not familiar with deep breathing, mindfulness exercises, or grounding techniques, take the time to learn them and share them with your child at a level they can understand as coping skills for kids.
• On tough days, do you talk about your challenges and work through solutions together? For instance, you might say, “Today we need to get you to rehearsal, go grocery shopping, and visit the bank. We can’t fit all of this in today. I’ll drop you off at your meeting and then handle the shopping. I’ll ask [another caregiver] to take care of the bank for us.” This shows children how to manage stress through calm decision-making.
• Creativity is essential for problem-solving. If your child is young, do you allow enough time for creative play, like Legos or art? If they’re older, do you support their creative expression through writing, singing, playing music, or dancing?

7. Control

Kids need to understand what they can manage and what’s out of their hands. Those who figure out how to steer the results of their choices tend to be tougher and recover better from setbacks. Parents should give their kids chances to influence their surroundings and make their own choices instead of doing everything for them. Even younger kids can learn to handle their feelings and actions, even if some outcomes are influenced by other factors. Resilient kids develop this inner self-control, which opens up chances for them to talk about and negotiate the things they can’t control externally.

Here are some strategies to help with emotional control:

• Teach your little one ways to manage their emotions. Go over coping techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or grounding exercises, and share them with your child in a way they can understand.
• Nurture self-advocacy, i.e. taking charge of one’s surroundings. Being able to communicate effectively and negotiate respectfully boosts confidence and problem-solving skills.
• Communication and negotiation. This approach helps kids gain control over their environment. Keep in mind, a successful negotiation is one where both parties benefit.
  • Use polite language with respect, avoiding whining, crying, or constant complaining.
  • Be persuasive with your words, explaining the reasons behind your points.
  • Respect the response. We don’t always get our way, and “no” means “no.” Accept “no” gracefully. Parents should aim to wrap up many discussions without saying no outright.
• Foster a family atmosphere that promotes talking, listening, and sharing in a safe environment. Mutual respect should be modeled and encouraged.
• Family meetings help practice communication and enhance a child’s skills. Give your child chances to take control of their surroundings and build confidence by expressing their thoughts and feelings.
• Young people start their lives with adults setting rules and limits for safety. Boundaries should be clearly defined and upheld. As they grow, by being responsible, making smart choices, and earning trust, young people will gain more privileges and freedoms. Eventually, they learn to take healthy control over their life’s path, which helps build resilience for the long haul.

How to Teach Emotional Regulation to Kids

While “emotional regulation” may sound unfamiliar to you as a parent at first, it’s actually easier (and even enjoyable) to practice than it may seem at first glance. Emotional regulation is all about grasping our feelings and managing how we respond to them. This could mean helping your child to recognize and label their feelings–for example, “I’m feeling frustrated.” Or it might involve showing them healthy ways to express those feelings–”When I’m frustrated, I can take deep breaths, talk it out, or do something that helps me relax.”

Teaching emotional regulation also involves showing them that it’s perfectly fine to feel multiple emotions at once. Yes, you can be excited about your birthday party, but you can also feel uneasy about being the center of attention. Yes, you can be thrilled about winning the game, and you can also be sad that it’s done. Emotions are complicated, and that’s totally okay!

Remember, the goal of teaching healthy emotional regulation isn’t to control or stifle emotions, it’s to understand and manage them better. It’s also about empowering your child to take charge of their feelings, rather than letting feelings take charge of them. The coolest part is it’s a skill that will benefit them for their entire lives.

The Importance of Self-Care in Parenting

As the saying goes, ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup.’ What does that mean? It means that taking care of yourself isn’t only beneficial for you, it’s also great for your kids. Self-care in parenting can be as easy as taking a few moments each day to breathe deeply, enjoy a hot cup of coffee, or dive into a chapter of your favourite book. It might involve regular workouts, eating healthily, or getting enough sleep (we get it, sometimes that’s easier said than done). Or maybe your self-care is about establishing your boundaries, saying “no” when necessary, or reaching out for help from friends, family, or a professional.

It’s worth noting that self-care isn’t selfish. It’s an essential part of being an emotionally resilient parent. So, go ahead, give yourself the green light to take care of YOU! Because when you’re feeling your best, you’re able to give your best to your little ones too.

Looking for Professional Help?

Let’s be honest: sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we can end up feeling like we’re stuck in quicksand. The more we fight, the deeper we go. That’s when it’s time to grab a lifeline: professional help.

Seeking professional help isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. In fact, it’s the opposite. It shows strength, bravery, and a commitment to your child’s emotional health. It’s about knowing when you need a little extra support.

Professionals such as therapists and counsellors have the expertise, skills, and resources to assist both children and parents in navigating the tricky waters of emotional issues. They can offer strategies, techniques, and interventions that help build emotional resilience. 

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, if your child is having a tough time, or if you’re looking for some guidance on the journey of raising an emotionally strong child, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Remember, it’s not about fixing something that’s broken. It’s about fostering strength, resilience, and emotional wellness.

Building resilience in small, manageable steps is totally achievable. The advantages of raising resilient kids are well-documented, and their positive mental health will pay off in the long run. If you think you need help with building emotional resilience in your child, or if you have specific worries, we invite you to reach out to us at Sparkling Seeds. Not only do we offer help and support for children and youth, but also we provide comprehensive care for families as a whole.

Book a consultation today and explore your options for extra resources and support for your family.